Dear Diary: Turning Twenty And Other Life Things

So I turned twenty on Wednesday! It’s concerning because I still enjoy wearing fun socks, cuddled up on my couch, while having Disney movie marathons. I also occasionally still order off the kids menu and I think I’m at that age where its no longer socially acceptable to be a picky eater. Anyways, I have had so many mixed feelings about turning another year older and now that its actually over, I’ve come to a conclusion. At first I was kind of dramatic and thought that twenty was SO old and SO adult and I was just SO not ready for it. Then that ended and I found myself not wishing to be twenty, but to be older.

Twenty is literally no different than nineteen. I realized this within one day of being twenty years old. I’m honestly just kind of over being twenty, and I still have 364 days left of it. I don’t really think its the number I have a problem with, just the stage. I have never been one to put myself on a time line. For me, age really is just a number. But suddenly I felt mad that I had lost my title as “teenager” but still had the place as one.  I think I’m at that age where I’m not a kid, but not necessarily an adult. Okay, so legally I’m an adult…but I still live at home, still go to school, and still financially rely on my parents- all of which keeps me a kid, in my opinion.

I wish I was at the point in my life, where I was doing the things that I wanted to do. I wish I was done with school and working in the kind of field I want. I know, I know. My time will come, and I should enjoy being where I am right now, but I can’t shut off the drive inside of me that wants to get to work and start life for real. Life after school. I feel like my college career was going by so quick, and it finally came to a red light. Part of me just wishes I could fast forward two years. All of this could just be me starting to get senioritis which isn’t really good considering I only just became a junior.

Theres really no answer to my problem right now. I’ll just feel stuck until I don’t and thats fine. I’m actually glad I feel this way about being twenty because I was no nervous that I would feel so different. Usually I’m the one trying to slow life down and enjoy the little moments so its interesting that all of a sudden, I want things to speed up.

I wonder if I’ll feel any different this time next year. I wonder if I’ll still be wishing for the year to fly by. I wonder if I’ll feel another set of emotions about turning twenty one. I am so anxious to see what twenty will bring me and what kind of experiences I will have. Until then, I’ll just keep working hard towards everything I want all while probably still ordering off the kids menu.

Hope you guys enjoyed the little life update. I know my thoughts are a little all over the place. If you ever felt this way turning twenty, let me know!