Okay, so October lasted a good five minutes.
I cannot believe my favorite month has come and gone already. I did a lot less than I intended to, but I don’t necessarily regret it. I had a good month overall, but theres a lot. So if you just stumbled across my blog, or if you’ve been following for a while now and have any care at all about what this spooky month was like for me, keep reading and feel free to give me your advice (you’ll know why later on).
I don’t know why, but for some reason when I write these, I can never remember where the month began. I usually end up in my camera roll on my phone, looking at pictures from the first of the month to try and jog my memory. My first picture is actually a screenshot of the “31 Nights of Halloween” schedule on FreeForm. Ironically, I didn’t watch any of it, but I still have a couple days left when I’m writing this and I have all intentions to watch Halloweentown before the 31st.
I also have a lot of random pictures of rain. It rained a lot this month. No complaints here about that. I love thunderstorms.
I got really into taking more pictures for my blog this month and so a lot of my camera roll is the same picture taken twenty different ways. I’m looking at one now that I took for my book review post on GIRLCODE. Which reminds me that I actually read a book this month, so that makes me really happy. I’ve been trying to get into reading again, so even one book makes me proud of myself.
A lot of other things I see in my phone are screenshots of quotes. I have no idea why but I was in a real mood this month. It was right after I finished GIRLCODE, so maybe thats was why, but I just found my self having a real “I can do whatever I want” attitude. Something had come over me and I had felt powerful and unstoppable and just totally badass and I actually loved it. It was a real confidence boost and so I’m happy that I experienced that this month.
One really fun thing I did this month was redo my room. After seven years of having my room blue, my dad painted it this really pretty gray for me. I got new pillows, hung up some wall decor, threw up a couple of strands of fairy lights, and voilà– it was complete. I had the best time redecorating and it came out really good- if I do say so myself. I honestly think that interior design is my hidden talent and I love it.
As for fall festive’s, I went to a pumpkin patch and a spooky walk/ haunted house once. My family usually goes to more because we like to make the most of the season, but this year we’ve all had such crazy schedules that its getting hard to find time. However, I did have a really great time at the things we did do and it gave me all the spooky vibes I so badly crave every October.
Now onto the now so fun stuff. I’m sorry.
First off, I got sick. I know, how annoying. Usually I’m really good at knowing when I’m about to get sick, but this time it totally snuck up on me and I randomly woke up on a Saturday morning with a fever, chills, and the absolute worst nausea. I was sick for four days and then lost my voice for about another three days, so work and school became a little difficult considering my voice sounded the way it did. Little advice? Take your vitamins and dress warm, winter is coming.
Second, I completely failed blogtober. There is literally no excuse, I just failed at it. Seriously though, I don’t think I planned enough. I was rushing to create and put out new posts everyday and they just weren’t any good. I didn’t like the way anything was coming out and I realized that I’d rather post nothing than post something that didn’t feel like me. Quality over quantity, right? I give huge props to the people who were successful at blogtober. I think I could of been too, if I had been better prepared and so I’m sorry. I’m not too sure if I am going to do blogmas, but if I do, you better believe those posts will be written before December 1st.
Okay, so now onto the part about needing words of wisdom. Sorry that I’m about to sound super dramatic, but it was a big part of the end of this month for me and I’m secretly hoping that there is someone out there who can give me their unbiased advice.
Recently, I started my job in a daycare/preschool. Now let me give you a little back story. When I was younger (about five), probably up until I was seventeen, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. I grew up playing school with my sisters, making pretend lesson plans, and asking imaginary students to come up to the chalkboard that my dad had built me when I was six. Teaching was everything I saw for myself. But somewhere between graduation and the start of college, I lost whatever it was that made me feel that spark. I started dreaming about other things and even decided last semester that I was going to major in Journalism and minor in marketing. Writing and being creative… it was all pointing me in a direction that really excited me. However, when I started this job, people started telling me that teaching was for me. Honestly, theres a part of me that also thinks its for me. Theres also a part of me that thinks journalism and that kind of field is for me. My problem is, that I’m just not sure which “feeling” to follow. So here I am, feeling like I’m back at square one. Like I’m seventeen again and unsure of everything. I’m trying to navigate myself through this crazy world and it sounds so silly but I just can’t make a decision.
You know when you have two choices and you don’t know what to do, but deep down, when you allow yourself to be completely honest with you, know which one you want more? I have been completely honest with myself and I have tried so hard to figure out which one I want more, but I can not decide. Is it possible to be equal amounts of passionate about two different things? I am truly torn and while I appreciate all the advice from my family and friends, I truly don’t think they understand that this is something that I am really confused about. They know what they want for me, but do they know what I want for me? How could they know If I don’t? My future all together has always been something that I find really intimidating and scary. I get really nervous about making the wrong decision and having regrets and I think that that’s why this is so hard for me. There are pros and cons of each decision and I don’t know how or when I will be able to decide which list is better and to make up my mind.
So that’s it for my monthly reflection. I hope you guys don’t think I’m too crazy (I think I say that in every post). How was your guy’s month? I would love to know!
Until next year,
Goodbye October. Thanks for the all the scary.